Every Thanksgiving we gather together to give thanks for all the bounty that the year has bestowed upon us. Well, that's the excuse we use so that we can eat dangerous amounts of comfort food. There are many things that can put a damper on the festivities; sibling infighting, illness, a renegade parade float accidently crippling the family dog, but its hard to imagine anything momentus enough that it would cause thanksgiving to be entirely ruined, or canceled all together. Here are some headlines to look out for which could end up ruining your family's special day.
-Congress Unites Behind Last Minute Bill Banning Stuffing
-Lobby Group of Aunts Push for Constitutional Amendment Protecting Pinching Nephews' Cheeks
-Turkey Linked to Rectal Cancer
-Set of Red Dawn Sequel Attacked by Russians
-Historians Reveal Pilgrims Never Made it to Plymouth, Spent 2 Years in Bermuda Oppressing Natives There Instead
-Cranberry Sauce Actually Liquified Puppies!
-Gravy Shortage Causes Spike in Prices, Now $5.00 a Gallon
-Europeans Time International 'Your Mama's So Fat' Competition to Coincide with Thanksgiving, Mothers Rush Out to Buy Mass Quantities of Tofurkey
-Law Limits Parades to Marching Bands and Creepy Clowns Only, Children Mourn Loss of Balloons, Fathers Mourn Loss of Cheerleaders, McDonald's Puts Record Number of Clowns in Parades.
-Due to Radiation Caused by Sun Spots All Corn Now Comes In Popped Form
-Santa Clause Refuses to March In Parade, Slightly Tipsy Santa Quoted as Saying "Those little $#!%$ don't even believe in me anymore!"
These are just a few of the awful things that could happen to derail your thanksgiving. Hopefully nothing untoward will happen, and in that hope I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!
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