Superbowl Prediction

In the tradition of 'Carl's Stone Cold Lock of the Century; of the Week' I will be giving my own prediction for this year's big game. For all those Saints fans out there I am sorry to say you are hopelessly screwed. To support this fact I give you one reason and one reason only; Divine Wrath. By sacrilegiously taking the name of a group of people devoted to peace and using it to represent a team who mercilessly pile drives the competition you have pissed in God's eye one time too many. The big guy is ticked off and ready to destroy you and everything that you love. You may say that we have Drew Breeze and Reggie Bush and a solid recieving core. This is true, but these men are on this world for one purpose-to raise your hope so that in the second quarter when god sends a fiery ball of death down to kill the entire saints starting line up the pain will be that much worse. You will have to spend the rest of the game watching third string Chase Daniel pussy footing around the stadium and having coach Sean Payton tie his shoes and kiss his owies. The Saints are doomed due to their lack of divine favor and their own sense of entitlement.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the field Peyton Manning will be on his way to scoring 14 touchdowns, pausing only to bow down before the altar of his god, corporate advertising. You see Manning, in addition to being a bionic superman with a mentally challenged little brother, is a economic genius. He knew that there is no power greater on this earth than that of the super conglomerate. So he hitched himself to the media's cart and ran his ass off like Michael Vick being chased by the entire membership of PETA. I have it on very good authority that there was a meeting in Berlin of the most powerful media giants in the world, and they all decided that Peyton is gonna bring it home for the Colts this evening, and that they will allow no more commercials with Eli in them because between Forrest Gump and Rain Man the market has already been cornered for loveable handicapped men trying to make it in the real world.

So there you go, that is my prediction for the game. The Saints are more screwed than Sodom and Gomorrah on super orgy tuesday and Peyton Manning, backed by the economic masterminds of the western hemisphere, will easily lead his saints to a 34-10 victory over the Saints.

Poem

I'm taking an intro to poetry class this semester, and so far it has been pretty basic, normal stuff. So, a little bored, I decided to have fun with this week's assignment. We had to create a poem where the first line was a quote. This could open up the field for a lot of grandiose and overblown attempts to make a poem that was just as inspiring as the quote itself. I decided to go the other way on this one and just have fun with it. Here is my poem:

"Mark Twain"

"Clothes Make the man
Naked people have little
Or no influence on society."
Did you ever test this
sweeping statement of yours?
What a sight that would be
Down by the Mississippi.
The famous author and satirist renowned
Nude as God made him, running around.
I wonder what would have come of this,
Incarceration or a Romantic tryst?
The history books would read different today.
The author of Tom Sawyer, a nudist you say?
Would your work be esteemed as high?
Or would people just call you that naked guy
Who wrote about slaves and an Aunt named Polly?
Well that'd be changing society by golly!
Unfortunately though nobody knows
What would have happened if you took off your clothes.

I really hope my poetry teacher doesn't take herself too seriously and is able to see the humor here. I'm sure she'll let me know come time for grades.